why don't job applications fill themselves out, huh?

i wish someone i could just have a chance to tell employers how perfect of an employee i am.

my reasoning:

1. i'm poor and recognize that i am too unqualified to work jobs that make lots of money, so no matter how atrocious the job is, i will complete it out of sheer desperation for income.

2. i hate being reprimanded, which is my primary motivation for meeting expectations at work. i will never be late. i will never simply fail to show up for a shift, because i don't like it when people are made at me. also, i'm poor and need all of the hours i am given.

3. i hate being new at jobs so much, i would work at a job i completely detested simply to avoid having to find another one. so, no worries about me jumping ship shortly after time, energy and money have been wasted in order to train me.