whatever it takes, pt. 2.

so, i hate to go on and on about this. but i have a personality defect that causes me to become rather obsessive about things that i like. right now i am obsessed with house and wheelchair jimmy.

i am going to go as far as to say that wheelchair jimmy is beginning to fill the space left in my heart when kanye west started sucking.

here is the lyric that sealed the deal for me: "i ain't on the fence about it. i ain't mister feeny."

because, ladies and gentlemen, that is a boy meets world reference in a rap song.

whatever it takes.

in the earlier part of this decade, the canadians bestowed a tv gem to the inhabitants of the north american continent (well, the english-speaking ones, at least) called degrassi: the next generation. it was a soap opera starring middle schoolers. it was awesome. it's tagline was "degrassi: it goes there."

and it honestly did cover an impressive range of territory: homosexuality, self-injury, eating disorders, cocaine addiction, etc. one of the places it went, among many (obviously), was a school shooting, which was the result of excessive bullying of this weirdo who was dating and also abusing the overweight girl that everyone liked. the target was jimmy brooks, or wheelchair jimmy, and it left him paralyzed from the waist down (including his boner, as we learned in a later episode).

here are two really shitty clips to refresh or introduce those who are unfamiliar with the incredible poignancy of this series. the first the scene is the epic moment where ricky, the abusive, armed psycho shoots jimmy. the second is a scene in which jimmy's best friend (douche), spinner, admits that he was the reason that ricky shot him. the terrible synchronization of voices and mouths truly gives the second clip a little something extra.





i stopped watching the show a few years ago. around the time when spinner was trying to deflower the hot christian and manny was showing her tits all over the place.

when i think about it, i can recall wheelchair jimmy wanting to pursue a music career in real life, but i naturally thought this was never going to happen. well, i was wrong. wheelchair jimmy is a rapper now, going by the moniker of drake, which is not his real name (aubrey graham). wheelchair jimmy would have been a better stage name. drake seems a little random, kind of like his successful rap career.

he has, like, eight different collaborations with lil wayne. one of which is entitled "every girl," the chorus to which is, "i wish i could fuck every girl in the world." this is coming from WHEELCHAIR JIMMY out of toronto, CANADA. i can't even count how many times i have heard this boy say the word "pussy" at this point in my life. but his star is on the rise, and i bet i will hear him say it countless times more.

what i'm trying to say is: good for you, jimmy brooks, for getting out of your wheelchair and canada and melodramatic television and into the pants of what sounds like a plethora of women.

please consider.

sometimes when i neglect my blog for a while, i feel like the follow-up entry should be extra special, which just causes me to delay posting even further. i'm not sure why i feel this type of pressure, since my readership consists of about.. no one.

i recently had an eye appointment. to put this in perspective, i would much rather go to the dentist (except for now, because i know i need to have my wisdom teeth removed, but i am too much of a pussy to want this to happen). i started realizing i was going blind when i was about ten. people always seemed to be able to read things that i could not. in order to avoid having to wear glasses, i faked having adequate vision for quite some time. then at school they had a mandatory eye exam, and the jig was up. my mother accompanied me to the eye-doctor and they asked me to read the smallest line i could see clearly, and i replied with something along the lines of, "E." and i've worn contacts ever since.

a few years later i got some back-up glasses, reserved for mornings and nights and those unfortunate times i forgot to order contacts before running out. i have kept the same pair since i was, like, fourteen. maybe fifteen. i know the prescription is off, but compared to my natural blindness, it is still pretty clear. the only reason i am interested in getting a new pair is because one of the ear hangers (official title) has been broken off and super-glued back on twice, and that is no way to live.

after making the doctor flip back and forth between lenses more times than he probably would have liked to, he gave me a new prescription. i feel like the different lens options are trick questions, or he knows which lens is supposed to be clearer, and i am going to choose the wrong one. i honestly get a hint of test anxiety before eye exams. maybe i have this issue because i am not one for subtlety. apparently my prescription has changed considerably over the past year. i hope this trend does not continue.

after browsing over the selection, there was only one frame i really had feelings for. i put it on, and the "optician," as she referred to herself several times said, "those are cute... but they're a little big." and i said, "i know, that is why they are cute." she went on to tell me that because of the magnification of my prescription, i could wind up with having some rather thick lenses in these bad boys. then she attempted to sucker me into choosing a smaller frame, but the heart knows what it wants. i hardly even wear my glasses, anyway, and if i'm going to wear them, i am going to like the grandfatherly frame on my face. even if my lenses are going to be half an inch thick, which i pray is an exaggeration.

this (sort of) brings me to a point i am meaning to make: it is so fucking annoying when people wear glasses for decorative purposes. i, first of all, do not understand the appeal to wearing glasses without a prescription. does it make the wearer feel smarter? does it simply serve to add to your hipster street cred? i just don't know.

but ultimately, poor vision is a handicap. would you wear a prosthetic hand over your already perfectly normal, functioning hand? no. well, maybe. but that would be considered to be in poor taste. don't get me wrong: i am totally down with stylish eyewear, okay? just like i support realisitic looking prosthetics, but when you slap those non-functional glasses on your face, it's a) retarded and b) a little disrespectful.