oh, the south.

today i went to a columbus catfish game. the catfish play baseball. i kind of thought they sucked. my very limited understanding of baseball may have something to do with this. apparently they have been on a winning streak. the game itself was incredibly boring, but my fellow spectators were not. in fact, they were fascinating and caused me to raise several important questions.

the most pressing one being, "why do parents still give their children bowl cuts?" i just cannot grasp it. there was one child in particular that was totally fucking adorable, but his stupid bowl cut made me hate him. are these the kind of emotions parents want their kids to evoke in others? if i had to guess, i would settle with "no." bowl cuts ruin children.

while the bowl cuts were unsettling, the most disturbing hair belonged to another little boy. this child was sporting big, blonde curly hair that was tapered into a rat tail in the back. the effect could best be described as a coonskin cap (a la davy crockett) made of hair. i could not peal my eyes away from it.

until i looked a few rows down and saw a young man with a string of spitty mucus dangling an estimated six inches from his mouth. then he sucked it back up. it got even worse when some of it stuck to his chin. after some careful examination i realized this person was mentally challenged, at which point i was actually somewhat relieved. but even after i was able to rationalize the spit dangle, the remnants were still on his chin, and no matter how much i attempted to telepathically convince the men he was with to give him a tissue to wipe it off, they only paid attention to the game. eventually, the spitter noticed his face was still dripping and resorted to cleaning himself with his t-shirt. which, given the circumstances, was not such an awful decision.