20.

as of yesterday, i am twenty years old. this is very awkward for me.

for the past few years, i have consistently felt like i was growing into more of a person i could be comfortable with. because for the majority of the time i spent attending post falls middle and high schools, someone -- humility, first of all -- should have delivered me a punch in the face. although i am now far less social and drunk, i am also less of a shitbag.
the past few weeks i have been feeling unlike myself. just... totally uninspired and swaggerless, if you will. this is one of my least favorite feelings. i hope it doesn't have anything to do with aging.

another issue i am having is being able to determine when it's appropriate to be offended. this typically happens at work when people i hardly know want to talk to me about my breasts. the most awkward of these discussions occuring when an old man sitting across from the table i was clearing off said to me, "i bet all the girls envy you." this was met by a clueless smile, as i had no fucking clue what this guy was talking about. until i remembered that i am merely attached to a set of knockers. i then had to smile and laugh while this guy told me about how his daughter developed early but peaked too soon and never got a full-fledged rack like mine.

i'm sure that he was harmless. yet i would certainly never dream of having this conversation with a complete stranger. but i feel like if i had said, "could you, sir pervert, please not discuss those with me or think about them, in general," the consensus would be that i was being some kind of uptight prude.

there are situations when the objectification of women is more acceptable than others. when they are posing for men's magazines or even working at hooters, i can understand the urge to reduce this person to nothing more than body parts. i am not opposed to women presenting themselves as sex objects. if you are self-aware enough to know that's what you're doing, then i fondly say, "get it, gurl!" but i am working at a fucking barbecue restaurant, wearing jeans and a t-shirt that are in no way overtly sexual, and i do not want you to pay attention to my tits. i can't put them away because i am fairly petite, and there is just nowhere to hide them.

this, to me, seems like an entirely rational way to feel. yet when sarah palin gets all uppity on the today show and every other media outlet because david letterman makes a joke about her 14-year-old daughter getting knocked up at a yankee's game, i feel like she's sort of overreacting. and i just don't want to be sarah palin.