i do not like to move it.

i dislike a lot of things. like when people ask, "are you having fun yet?" in situations when you are clearly nowhere close to having a good time. and the fact that i have to go to court tomorrow for a very minor rear-ending incident, in which i happened to be the car doing the rear-ending and someone in the other vehicle insisted upon leaving the scene of the accident in an ambulance. i am quite nauseous about this. mostly because i hate being in trouble. i do not like to be reprimanded, and i typically carry about my business in a manner that prevents me from having to face consequences for what can be considered irresponsible behavior. so, this is pretty much making me want to vomit.

anyway, i am really not naturally inclined to lead a healthy lifestyle. it's not that i dislike being healthy. it's just that i do like junk food, and i do not particularly enjoy sweating. i am down with vegetables and enjoy their flavor whilst eating them, but i would almost always rather be eating something fried. deep fried vegetables are probably my favorite. since i am aware of the shortcomings of my habits, i have recently made an effort to be healthier. i stopped drinking diet soda because i thought the artificial sweeteners were causing my headaches, but i actually still get headaches all the time. so it seems that i gave up my beloved pepsi one for nothing. and because i don't drink diet soda anymore, i only have, like, one regular soda a day because i fear the calories.

i know what you're thinking, "good for you, stephanie." but i'm really not so convinced that passing on the carbonated beverages has really made such a difference in the state of my health.
and really, research on the negative effects of artificial sweeteners are somewhat inconclusive. yes, they are nasty chemicals, but if the body can handle it, then so be it. and by "so be it," i mean, "let me drink it."

even more remarkably, i have started to exercise in the form of jogging most nights a week. i have kept this up for about two months and noticed... nothing. i am not overweight. i don't really have major complaints about my body's appearance and am actually pretty grateful for what i have. but i really thought my ass would look a little more like beyonce's if i ran around my neighborhood listening to her on a regular basis. this assumption was false. and let me tell you something, i have never understood the appeal of strenuous exercise; it feels like dying. people who say they enjoy it are liars. these are delusions they feed themselves to keep them motivated during their quest for fitness. even beyonce says she hates exercising and only does it to stay hot.

this is quite understandable. i could totally see myself living in this state of mind, except for one thing: I LOOK, FEEL, AND WEIGH EXACTLY THE SAME.

exercise, what is it good for? absolutely nothing, if you are going to stay stagnant at a hundred and something pounds and find no joy in it whatsoever no matter how many times you circle your housing development. say it again, y'all.

maybe some day i will find a form of aerobic exercise i find fun. until that day, it is too hot outside for me to go running until after it's dark out, and by that time i would really rather just retire to watching other people lose weight on quality television programming such as oxygen's dance your ass off (or dancing with the fat people).



my money is on this little chola:



may the best dancer lose, you guys.