just being hypocritical.

i have a lot of internal dialogue. it would be a monologue, but i am a gemini. so i really do just have a lot of back and forth in my own head. typically over lots of unimportant things. a recurring topic is how much i love/hate the internet.

i care about the internet very much. it makes life so god damn convenient all the time. and you can download things illegally, therefore saving money and the environment because you don't have to burn those fossil fuels to get to the movie theater or wherever it is that people buy music. the internet can give directions, and recipes and teach you do a variety of activities, like crocheting or giving blow jobs.

so, let me make it clear, i do not want to give up the internet. but i definitely think the internet has caused some damage to society or at least my faith in it.

first of all, if you ever needed reassurance that much of the population is of shockingly low intelligence, visit yahoo answers or read the user comments on news articles. it's depressing.

while the internet obviously offers a wealth of information, i am beginning to realize that this is not always a good thing. for example, i had a doctor's appointment today. i was asking her questions and twice they directly contradicted with what i had read on the world wide web. so now i don't know if i should a)assume this doctor does not know what she is talking about or b)stop believing everything i read on seemingly credible websites offering health-related information.

my most pressing internal battle involving the internet concerns personal/social networking websites. i totally have a myspace (...and a facebook that i never update so it doesn't count as existing), and i am definitely writing a fucking blog right now, which in intself concerns me. myspace has been extraordinarily useful in allowing me to keep in touch with far away people, while also allowing me to remember what they look like in different settings (by themsevles, at parties, during summer, at christmas etc) and keep up with their current interests and state of mind. all of this i like.

but here's what i don't: all of these sites -- myspace, facebook, twitter... especially twitter -- are so self-indulgent. once again, i recognize that i am writing a blog, and i am a self-absorbed asshole myself. this is essentially the whole crux of my internal dialogue. but have we, as human beings, always been this voyeuristic and eager to portray ourselves for others? were we just waiting for the appropriate medium to enable us?

i can't really say that it's a good thing to have these tools to attempt to manipulate the way that people see you in real life. because you are not your myspace profile. and you are not cooler because you list abstract bands in your music section. nor are you a photographer just because you have a nice camera, and having a myspace music profile does not make you talented. i am not writing this angrily but factually.

self-obsession is really something that should be frowned upon not encouraged. the internet has clearly made delusions of grandeur remarkably easier to develop and maintain, which is a fairly toxic side effect of the greatness that is the world wide web.