a blog about t-pain.

there is a person in popular culture who i think about quite often because i find his prominence and influence to be somewhat puzzling. his name is t-pain. of course that's not his real name, which is faheem rasheed najm, which is of islamic origin because t-pain is muslim. which is kind of funny, even though it probably shouldn't be.

but t-pain's faith is not what brings me here today.

first of all, i am very impressed by this man's ability to have completely infiltrated the rap and r&b market without anybody caring that he is really quite limited in his talents. every song he is involved with sounds exactly the same, and in my conservative estimations, he has collaborated with every artist who has been on BET at any time within the last two years. i am sure he is paid a large sum of money for his work and know he is very prolific. i would say that he could very comfortably retire right now, at the age of 23.* and i politely request that he consider this plan of action.

because i think t-pain has reached the maximum number of auto-tuned songs about drinking and fucking girls (who may or may not be strippers) in or around cars or after telling them about your car anyone should produce within a lifetime. seriously. and he has only been doing this professionally for a few years. what's even stranger about t-pain's appeal is that i kind of doubt any of his lyrical content is based in fact.

here's why:



i have kind of a hard time believing women are dying to rip their panties off for this man, if you see what i'm getting at. (that's subtle for, "t-pain is unattractive.") which in a way, makes me even more impressed that he has been able to make such a successful living by singing songs about scoring all of these shawties, if you will. this is why i feel like "chopped and screwed" is the only song based on his personal experiences. i totally believe that he has been led on by ladies aplenty who just wanted him to buy them drinks but did not want to go back to the crib to get down to business.

but enough is enough. please stop making music. i will buy you a drank.




*i cannot believe this man is not even a full four years older than me and so ridiculously well accomplished. it's giving me a complex.