constant struggle.

i used to revel in my ability to say something terribly mean/accurate/sometimes funny about nearly anyone at any given moment. then i realized that this trait is a top qualifier for being a fucking bitch. when you put it that way ("fucking bitch"), it doesn't sound as remotely flattering as "bitingly witty" or whatever i thought myself to be. so, upon realizing that my negative comments were not conducive to anyone's well-being, i have been working hard to not be so critical of others. except for celebrities. celebrities always have and always will be fair game.

i have mellowed out a ton over the last two or so years. this might be because i keep to myself much more than i used to. unfortunately, being an asshole is like riding a bike and because i am now around people 24/7, it is becoming a lot harder to not talk shit. the asshole in me blames this on the sheer stupidity of other people, but i know that there will always be people with objectionable qualities among the general public, and my fuming about it will not make them go away. i know this. really, the ultimate obstacle in not being mean is the ability to not chime in when someone else opens the the flood gates for the sizing up of others, especially when the potential for unfavorable comments about the given topic are aplenty.

i know that this behind-the-back spouting of negativity is entirely futile, and it must come to an end. if you want to wear inappropriate clothing for your body type or lie compulsively or whatever, that is totally your prerogative, as bobby brown and britney spears would say. and it is not, contrary to intuitive reflex, my place to undermine anyone's choices or experiences. i don't even know why i think i am so qualified for this position in the first place.

but chris brown (who falls under the celebrity clause) i will probably never get over the fact that you sent rihanna to the emergency room. simply inexcusable, young man.