being an addict sucks.

i have previously discussed my addiction to pepsi one. people seem to find this to be a laughable exaggeration, but i promise you. i am an addict. from what i've gathered from a selection of television programs, once you're an alcoholic, you are always an alcoholic. and that is how i feel about my pepsi addiction.

i had been clean for about two months, but i started working at this stupid call center, where vending machines are taunting me at every corner, and i must consume caffeine to prevent me from falling asleep at the wheel on my drive home and suddenly i have relapsed. the vending machines at work don't even sell pepsi products. i have resumed my habit with stand-ins, typically dr. pepper, mostly because i thought i was strong enough to indulge in my habit in moderation, which now that i'm thinking about it, was pretty silly. self-discipline has never, ever, ever been a strong point for me.

i have not succumbed to my urges today or yesterday, but i have been thinking about how delicious a caffeinated, carbonated, artificially colored/flavored beverage would be about fifteen times every hour. i am not making progress.

my main motivation to stop drinking pepsi one 3 times a day was because i thought it would relieve my headaches, but i happen to still be getting those, so i really just don't know if the withdrawals are worth it.

in other news, i really hate school right now. and i think i am becoming more of an asshole again. i blame this on feeling constricted and unsatisfied with my current standing in life. i may appear unusually negative from here on out until further notice.

and in more other news, the ray charles biography ray was on tv today, which prompted me to search him on wikipedia. i am really too hung up on the fact that he had 12 children by 10 different women to care about anything else about him. can you imagine a female in the public eye who could remain respected if she had 12 children by 10 different fathers? (the answer is "no.") if ray charles had been a woman, he would have been chastised more than that single lady who just had the octuplets to add onto her six previous children. i do not understand gender-based standards. ladies are always getting the short end of the stick. that movie in general was pretty depressing for womankind. ray charles did not know how to treat his woman way over town who was good to him.

but he did have some bitchin' tunes and there is a sign i pass on i-85 that says, "we're glad georgia's on your mind!" that always makes me smile, so i guess it is unfair to be hostile toward the (dead) man.