forever young.

i am super into baby pictures. any baby pictures, really. this should not really come as a surprise because i am interested in baby anythings. like these mindblowingly adorable orange kittens i saw today up for adoption. when i am a responsible adult who is not afraid of commitment, the first thing i will do is get a kitten to call my own and name it something really witty/badass/original. but i digress. i really want to talk about these old pictures i found recently. i know my parents care for me, and i suppose you could say i have turned out alright, but i do question some of their parenting decisions.

here i am, about a year old, drinking beer:
this type of behavior helps to explain why i look a tiny bit shitfaced in so many photographs of my toddler times. like these:



this next picture seems normal to the untrained eye. i still have the frames to those glasses i'm wearing and still plan on filling them with my prescription. but let me draw your attention to my sweater.
it's sort of hard to tell in this version. but it appears to read "ethnic heart romance." i'm pretty sure it was purchased in germany, yet this is no excuse because a)my mother should have spoken enough english to know better and b)my american father definitely knew better. also, who decided to put that text on a child's sweater in the first place. or anyone's sweater, really?

the most troubling photographic discovery i found was one of me on fasching, which is sort of like mardi gras, when i was seven years old. i remember that my costume was "punk rocker" but it looks a little more like "baby prostitute." does it not?