i should be studying for my biology test. but i have my priorities.

first, here is an open letter to kanye west:

dear yeezy,

i have loved you since i was fourteen. that's five years of dedication, which is a lot for someone a)so young and b)so fickle. i love you because you dropped out of college and are living the dream. and because, despite that bloated ego of yours, you have a lot of talent. and because you used to have soul. now you have these weird-ass drum tracks and auto-tune.

i stuck with you through a lot of bullshit. for example, pretty much half of the songs on graduation. and all those pictures of nearly naked skanks on your blog. but like hannah montana preaches, "nobody's perfect," or so i said to myself.

but i have had enough. i have to break up with you because you have really been losing your touch lately. with every new song that surfaces from your upcoming album, i tell myself, "keep an open mind. you can learn to love this shit." but i can't. and i don't want to. because when you really love someone, it should come instinctively.

when you first wanted to rap everyone was all, "you can't rap, youz a producer." and you showed them wrong. and i guess now you are trying to show everyone you're a singer. but... is it really singing when it's auto-tuned?

so, i wish you the best of luck. i hope you understand, and maybe we can still be friends.

yours,
Stephanie


second:

the new object of my affection, and kanye's replacement, is girl talk aka greg gillis. i remember sort of casually listening to a song here and there a year or two ago and thinking it was cool but not really investigating any futher. a few nights ago i downloaded the entire girl talk discography and lost my shit. WHY DIDN'T ANYBODY BOTHER TO TELL ME THAT I NEEDED THIS IN MY LIFE?!! i sort of want to punch any friend of mine who was aware of girl talk's existence and didn't make this recommendation.

who knew it was possible to sample both neutral milk hotel and that song that goes, "i need a dime that's top of the line. cute face, little waist and a big behind" within seconds of each other and make it sound fucking awesome? greg gillis did. or who would dare to couple someone rapping about "getting some head" with sinead o'connor's "nothing compares 2 u?" i think you know the answer.

he even somehow manages to utilize avril lavigne's "girlfriend" in a way that is not entirely annoying.

i am going to be mrs. girl talk. i'm sure of it. and we won't even have to hire a dj for the reception!